Goodbye My Lover
by BookWorm109
Summary: SSHP Severus Snapes jourrney through love and loss. Warning:Angst and Character death


**A/N: Needed to do something different. Memory is taking a lot out of me. Lyrics are from Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt. Enjoy!

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_Did I disappoint you or let you down?_

_Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?_

_'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,_

_Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won._

_So I took what's mine by eternal right._

_Took your soul out into the night_.

I was at a loss. Never in all my years had I ever expected Harry James Potter to ask – no – _beg_ me to fuck him.

I had been sitting in my office drinking a cup of tea when in burst the boy wonder. "Do you not know how to knock, boy?"

"I needed to tell you something," he rushed.

I set down my quill. The boy was obviously not going to go away. "Well, get on with it," I said irritably.

"Well, it's just that I wanted to see you before I left tomorrow. Professor McGonagall recommended me to that university in London and I was accepted."

I knew already. I too had sent my recommendations. Not that he knew that. "How does this concern me?"

"Well there was something I wanted to say to you."

"So you've said. Though if you plan to verbally assault me I would rather you owl it so I can continue with what I am currently working on." I started back on the papers I was working on before.

"No! Nothing like that!" I turned my attention back to the boy in front of me. "I- this would be a lot easier if you weren't glaring at me."

I rolled my eyes and said through clenched teeth, "Just get on with it."

He took a deep breath "Iwndtsayilikeoo," he mumbled.

"Eloquent as ever, Potter. Speak up!"

"I said, I wanted to say that I like you."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. He likes me. _Could the boy be any more immature? What am I saying, of course he could._ "I don't have time for you, Potter. Leave."

"Please don't send me away. It took me ages to get up the courage to come and see you. You're not an easy man to talk to, you know."

I glared. "Do not make me say it again, Potter."

"No. I came down here for something and I'm not leaving until I get it."

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

"I thought that was obvious."

I stood up and walked towards him. "Me?" I laughed, "Did you think you could just come down here and profess your undying love and we would walk off into the sunset? Pitiful. You don't even know what you're asking for." We were standing so close now a piece of parchment would have had a hard time slipping in between. Potter was against the wall. I smirked and leaned in so my lips ghosted over his. "You wouldn't be able to _comprehend_ the things I could do to you." His breath was coming in short little pants and his eyes were like saucers. I licked the very bottom of his lower lip and he moaned.

"Please," he whispered. I grabbed his hands and held them above his head. My grip was tight. "Ouch." He tried moving his hands from under mine. I pressed his body tighter against the wall.

"Are you still sure, Potter?" The boy didn't say anything but he didn't have to. The fear was plain in his eyes. I moved away from him.

"No! You're just trying to scare me away. Please don't." He reached out and grabbed my arm. I looked at the boy in front of me, James Potter's son. Oh, this was too good. "Please," he whispered.

"Please what? What do you want Potter?"

"Fuck me. Please fuck me."

I was going to fuck my childhood enemy's son, his vulnerable, gorgeous son. I pressed myself against the boy and kissed him. Besides, who was I to deny the Boy Who Lived?

_It may be over but it won't stop there._

I said I was at a loss when Harry begged me to fuck him but when he came back the next day I didn't quite know what to do.

"What are you doing here?" I snarled.

"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend. I know a restaurant where no one we know would bother-"

"Are you asking me out on a date, Potter?"

He blushed. "Yes."

"You cannot be serious."

"I didn't just come down here last night so we could fuck. I really do like you."

I sighed. This was a bad idea. "Potter- _Harry_, you do realize this would be a really stupid decision?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

Oh, hell. Might as well. "Fine. Saturday at eight. Meet me here and do not be late.

_You touched my heart you touched my soul._

_You changed my life and all my goals._

_And love is blind and that I knew when_

_My heart was blinded by you._

I don't quite know when the brat wormed his way in, but he did nonetheless. It may have been the fourth date. We had gone to a Muggle cinema. Harry had never been to one. He sat on the edge of his seat watching the screen so intently. His eyes were huge as he sat amazed. I couldn't tell you what the movie was about or even who played in it. I could only stare at the boy next to me.

It seemed like my lifestyle changed bit by bit. The boy had crowded my quarters with his stuff. He would come over after his classes at the university and study. I became accustomed to him being there.

That's when I knew I should probably stop this… affair.

_I've kissed your lips and held your head._

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed._

_I know you well, I know your smell,_

_I've been addicted to you_

I looked forward to the little things he did, all of his little habits. His presence was a constant in my life. I was a bloody fool in love but I wasn't alone in this endeavor, oh no, for the brat loved me too. It was amazing to think of how much I had changed since Harry had come into my life. Never before would I even think of the word 'cuddle'. After tea we sit down on the couch and cuddle as I read to him.

I should have known better than to expect it to last. What a fool I was. A fool in love.

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile._

_I've watched you sleeping for a while._

_I'd be the father of your child._

_I'd spend a lifetime with you._

_I love you, I swear that's true._

_I cannot live without you._

He died on the battlefield. Alone. I hated myself for that. How could I have allowed the man I loved to be alone when he died? He deserved so much better than that. Now here I am, an old, bitter, brokenhearted Potions master. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I'm alone and life just seems empty now. I had lost my everything. What does a person do when they lose everything they have ever cared for?

For now I will just wait. I will wait for death to finally claim me. I will wait until I can be reunited with my love and we can be together in more than just my dreams.

_And I still hold your hand in mine._

_In mine when I'm asleep._

_And I will bear my soul in time,_

_When I'm kneeling at your feet._

_Goodbye my lover._

_Goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one._

_You have been the one for me._

_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow._

_I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow._


End file.
